For me, I understand gender to be a social construct. Something that society has decided upon over the years, which tries to put people in boxes. Beyond the gender norms and expected behaviors, there is also the expectation of how to dress according to your gender.
It’s funny, as a gay man I view some of my clothing as being “straight” while seeing other garments as “gay”. I believe that I do this because of the gender norms I was taught growing up. There are days when I will wear my baggy joggers, a hoodie and Nikes to class and feel more masculine. While other days I wear my “let boys be feminine” t shirt tucked into the tightest jeans I own with my light pink trench coat. I feel more “fem” when wearing clothes that could be considered feminine and more “masc” when I wear clothes society deemed acceptable, for my gender.
Why is it that I feel this way? Is it just me or does everyone feel their gender fluctuate based on the days outfit?
It’s not just that my gender fluctuates, it’s my self-awareness that alters as well. When I am dressed in more seemingly straight outfits I feel like I blend in more. Like no one really notices me. It days when I prefer to go unnoticed that I decide to wear this type of clothing. On the other side, when wearing my presumably gay outfits I feel like everyone is looking at me, silently judging me with their stares.
“That kid is gay.”
That is what I picture them thinking to themselves. I become almost paranoid that I did too much this time. But oddly enough it is the days that I feel most confident about myself, that I wear these options in my closet.
Is it odd that I subconsciously give my clothes a sexuality before putting them on my body?
I would argue that it is a result of how I have come to understand gender, and how divided of a line there is “supposed” to between sexes. I like to think of myself as someone who can do both. The line for me is more purple, then pink or blue. I think that depending on my mood, or my confidence that day I can choose my clothing to reflect that. Clothing is supposed to be a way one represents themselves to the world, and they should do this however they feel comfortable. In this new era, putting a gender on clothing is becoming “old fashion” and close minded. The future is androgynous, I’m just glad I’ve got a head start.